Jan 23rd, 2011

January 23rd, 2011 Salerno, Afghanistan

Today was pretty average minus the conversation with my wife. Woke up at like 8, skipped breakfast. I talked to my wife for a bit and then she went to bed, timezone difference. I had lunch, got a care package from my dad. It had some beef jerky, hand and feet warmers which I suppose will come in handy later into the winter, it's not all that cold here yet. I went to some class in a medic tent with my platoon. They went over radio ediquite, how to call for a medical evacuation on the radio, how to radio in when we find explosive divices, and how to mark a landing zone for the chopper. After that I basically hung around some more. Aparently the other guy in my team, yeah there's only two of us, forgot to clean his weapon or something, so now we have a room/weapon inspection ever hour on the hour, but he has guard today, so I basically have room inspections because he fucked up. I missed my first inspection because it completely slipped my mind. My teamleader smoked me pretty good. Lots of pushups, flutter kicks, supline bicycles, low crawls, duck walks, leg benders, military presses, and iron mikes.

After all the smoking I got assigned to help my platoon sgt build a bed. Then he had to go to a meeting, so I got stuck guarding a pile of wood outside for 30 to 45 minutes, didn't really catch a start or end time, but it was definately over 30 minutes. Afterwards I went inside, changed out of my dusty uniform into new clean ones, and started cleaning my room. Went to dinner with st pierre and elliot, but lost them in the crowd. I ended up eating with Chatt, Padilla, Atanasoff, and that one guy who's name starts with a P that I always forget. Good guy, I just always forget his name. Came back, cleaned my weapon, House season 6. Then I started talking to my wife. I'll just leave the conversation below from now on. It started pretty well, then she just snapped and everything went to hell. I'm not the suicidal type, but if we hadn't made up I was going to kill myself. I can't make it a year in this god forsaken country without someone on the otherside to keep me sane. If she leaves me at a later point, I will kill myself. I'm just scared that my M4 Carbine won't do the trick. The bullet is so small and aerodynamic, I think it'd just go straight through without doing any really lethal damage. I don't want to be retarded or a vegie, I want to be dead. I'm going to have to hang myself if she leaves me I guess. I thought about cutting my wrists or something, but everyone would see it next time we play volleyball, and I'd be sent to all kinds of shrinks and probably be kicked out of theater. I know my wife will leave me if I come home early. I don't know why, but that's what she said when I told her I was thinking about telling my chaplain I'm suicidal. She said if I do that and they send me home she's leaving. I have a hard time figuring her out, but she can make me so happy some times.

Anyways, here's the conversation we had. Timestamps are from her side. Our conversation actually ended around 11pm here. We're off by 2:30 hours, plus 12, or minus 12. Not sure, too tired to do the math. Conversation started at 7:49PM Afghan time, so you figure it out.



[10:19] Whiskerz [<3]: morning
[10:20] joseph: hey there
[10:21] Whiskerz [<3]: sup
[10:22] joseph: not much, cleaning the weapon
[10:23] Whiskerz [<3]: sounds...boring ;P
[10:23] joseph: yeah well it has to be done'
[10:24] Whiskerz [<3]: lol
[10:25] Whiskerz [<3]: look
[10:25] Whiskerz [<3]: http://i142.photobucket.com/xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
[10:25] Whiskerz [<3]: its pretty
[10:26] Whiskerz [<3]: http://i142.photobucket.com/yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
[10:26] joseph: You got it.
[10:26] Whiskerz [<3]: yea. i told you i did.
[10:26] Whiskerz [<3]: its not ugly.
[10:26] joseph: No you didn;t
[10:27] joseph: you didn't tel me shit
[10:27] Whiskerz [<3]: i told you i was going to get it. and i did.
[10:27] Whiskerz [<3]: but really
[10:27] Whiskerz [<3]: are you judging me now
[10:27] joseph: You said you'd ge your hips done instead.
[10:27] Whiskerz [<3]: on an outter appearance
[10:27] Whiskerz [<3]: i said i might
[10:27] joseph: Yeah, you never told me your decisively changed your mind.
[10:27] joseph: brb.
[10:28] Whiskerz [<3]: hurry back
[10:31] joseph: back
[10:31] Whiskerz [<3]: hiihi
[10:31] joseph: why would you get it after i told you i didn't want you to?
[10:31] joseph: when did you get it?
[10:32] Whiskerz [<3]: why does it matter
[10:32] Whiskerz [<3]: youre going to be like society and judge me anyways on my outter appearance
[10:32] joseph: No.
[10:32] joseph: I don't judge you on your outter appearance.
[10:33] joseph: I don't stereotype you because of your tattoos and piercings
[10:33] joseph: I just think it's gross
[10:33] joseph: when did you get it?
[10:34] Whiskerz [<3]: yesterday
[10:34] joseph: When yesterday?
[10:34] joseph: Why didn't you tell me you got it yesterday.
[10:34] Whiskerz [<3]: it doesnt matter
[10:34] Whiskerz [<3]: joseph
[10:34] Whiskerz [<3]: did we talk last night?
[10:35] Whiskerz [<3]: i really dont remember if we did
[10:35] joseph: Yes we did
[10:35] joseph: you said you would think about hips instead
[10:35] joseph: even tho i guess you already had the sternum done
[10:35] Whiskerz [<3]: that was in the morning
[10:35] joseph: No it wasn't.
[10:35] joseph: Because you were falling asleep on me.
[10:35] Whiskerz [<3]: for me anyways
[10:35] joseph: No.
[10:35] joseph: you were falling asleep
[10:35] Whiskerz [<3]: well; afternoon
[10:35] joseph: and i was bitching about cockblock dog.
[10:36] Whiskerz [<3]: what? o_o
[10:36] Whiskerz [<3]: now im confused
[10:36] Whiskerz [<3]: time zones man. T_T
[10:37] joseph: Nevermind, we talked about our sexlife at night.
[10:37] joseph: you never mentioned the peircing tho.
[10:37] joseph: Why'd you keep it from me.
[10:37] Whiskerz [<3]: i really dont remember talking last night for me. but i dont know.
[10:38] joseph: [22:41] joseph: so then our sex life is just fucked.
[22:42] joseph: did it get progressively worse with the guy that made you cum?
[22:43] Whiskerz [<3]: anthony is the only guy that made me come
[22:43] Whiskerz [<3]: he made me feel safe
[22:43] joseph: so it never got progressively worse.
[10:38] joseph: timestamps.
[10:39] Whiskerz [<3]: out stmaps are diff because of time
[10:39] joseph: no they're not.
[10:39] joseph: My timestamps go by my laptop's time
[10:39] joseph: my laptop's time is still set to KY
[10:39] joseph: [10:39] joseph: My timestamps go by my laptop's time
[10:39] joseph: my laptop's time is still set to KY
[10:39] joseph: is it not 10:40am there?
[10:40] Whiskerz [<3]: oh; then i seriously have no clue.
[10:40] joseph: I even sent you an email or 2 after you fell asleep.
[10:40] joseph: Have you read them?
[10:40] Whiskerz [<3]: i read the one you sent
[10:40] joseph: k
[10:41] Whiskerz [<3]: i really dont knwo what to say
[10:41] joseph: You're so inconsiderate.
[10:41] joseph: You'll never change that.
[10:41] Whiskerz [<3]: because im at a lose of words?
[10:41] Whiskerz [<3]: i dont know how to respond?
[10:41] joseph: Because you get the piercing I told you not to get.
[10:41] joseph: Hips i'd be more okay with
[10:41] joseph: Still not happy with
[10:42] joseph: but less upset about
[10:42] Whiskerz [<3]: am i your body?
[10:42] joseph: No.
[10:42] Whiskerz [<3]: then shut it.
[10:42] joseph: So if I go get myself perimently dyed purple you wouldn't care?
[10:42] Whiskerz [<3]: its MY body; MY piercing; MY modification
[10:42] Whiskerz [<3]: mine. not yours.
[10:42] Whiskerz [<3]: you can have some say; but in the end, its MY decision
[10:42] Whiskerz [<3]: and
[10:42] Meebo Message: Could not IM buddy
[10:43] Whiskerz [<3]: ive decided something that i want to do
[10:43] joseph: So our relationship is on the fence, and you can't do something as simple as NOT doing something to try to save it?
[10:44] Whiskerz [<3]: so youd rather me mutilate than modify?
[10:44] joseph: I'd rather you not to either.
[10:44] joseph: But if I had to chose, yes, i think so
[10:44] joseph: you already have 1000 scars, it's just be another to match.
[10:44] joseph: I wouldn't notice one more scar.
[10:45] joseph: btw sort of off topic, how's your wrist healing?
[10:46] Whiskerz [<3]: its fine.
[10:46] joseph: It's your body, but you should take my opinion into consideration.
[10:47] joseph: I'm trying to bulk up because of your opinion.
[10:47] Whiskerz [<3]: why?
[10:47] joseph: I don't mind my skinny body, I wouldn't care if I even lost weight.
[10:47] Whiskerz [<3]: dont. theres no need.
[10:47] joseph: No I'm going to.
[10:47] Whiskerz [<3]: you cant do it; its in your family to be skinny
[10:47] Whiskerz [<3]: do it for yo
[10:47] Whiskerz [<3]: not for me
[10:47] joseph: So you listen to my sister about that but nothing else?
[10:48] Whiskerz [<3]: no i dont listen to her. shes got nothing good to say. ever.
[10:48] joseph: She's the one that said stop trying to make me gain weight, because I can't unless i take hella suplements
[10:48] joseph: because it's in my family to be skinny
[10:48] Whiskerz [<3]: i understand that youre skinny and you cant gain weight unless you dotn move and are fed mass amounts of fast food
[10:48] Whiskerz [<3]: mmkays
[10:49] joseph: Yeah, when I came out of basic training I weighted 120
[10:49] joseph: and on a normal diet with limited PT i lost 8 lb.
[10:49] joseph: It is near impossible without a fuckton of PT
[10:49] Whiskerz [<3]: my weight
[10:50] Whiskerz [<3]: yup
[10:50] Whiskerz [<3]: and guess what
[10:50] Whiskerz [<3]: i accepted that
[10:50] joseph: Yeah, you came into the relationship knowing i was skinn
[10:50] joseph: skinny*
[10:50] joseph: and i came in aware of your tattoos and piercings.
[10:50] joseph: But you never mentioned wanting to go further.
[10:50] joseph: You know I went to basic weighing 102.
[10:50] joseph: I could go back to that.
[10:51] Whiskerz [<3]: with
[10:51] Whiskerz [<3]: more
[10:51] Whiskerz [<3]: thats disgusting
[10:51] Whiskerz [<3]: like needing hospitalization
[10:51] joseph: Your piercings are disgusting.
[10:51] Whiskerz [<3]: okay.
[10:51] Whiskerz [<3]: and?
[10:51] joseph: You wouldn't want me going back to 102.
[10:52] joseph: and I don't want you getting more piercings and tattoos.
[10:52] joseph: their our boddies.
[10:52] joseph: but our spouces opinions should matter.
[10:52] Whiskerz [<3]: welp; im getting more.
[10:52] Whiskerz [<3]: and were seperated like you said...or are we trying to work things out
[10:53] Whiskerz [<3]: make up your mind.....x_x
[10:53] joseph: I figured "separated but please don't sleep with or date other people if you can help it" would mean I'd like to try and work things out when I get back.
[10:54] Whiskerz [<3]: well; im not sleeping with anyone. thats gross. and we need to work on it whilst your absence as well
[10:54] joseph: Well it isn't going to work if i get progressivly less attracted to you as you modify more.
[10:55] Whiskerz [<3]: welp; im going to finish up my tattoos. and probably get a few more piercings (like the back of my neck)
[10:55] joseph: Then we're done
[10:55] joseph: it's over.
[10:55] joseph: I have to be attracted to my wife.
[10:55] joseph: Otherwise I'd have married vegas.
[10:56] Whiskerz [<3]: xD
[10:56] Whiskerz [<3]: vegas.
[10:56] Whiskerz [<3]: so youre saying youd be more attracted to vegas than me
[10:56] joseph: No.
[10:56] joseph: I'm saying I wouldn't be attracted to either.
[10:56] joseph: And she has a better personality than you.
[10:56] joseph: I know her a lot better, and she loves me more than you probably.
[10:56] joseph: Plus she likes my penis.
[10:56] joseph: And you hate it.
[10:57] Whiskerz [<3]: i have a friend like that as well. he thinks my piercings and tattoos are gorgeous and wants me to get more (more than i have planned o_o)
[10:57] joseph: So why don't you get with him?
[10:58] Whiskerz [<3]: why dont you get with vgas
[10:58] Whiskerz [<3]: *vegas
[10:58] joseph: I'm not attracted to her.
[10:58] joseph: And I have to be attracted to my wife.
[10:58] joseph: I won't be attracted to you any more if you turn into a canvas.
[10:58] joseph: I like women.
[10:58] joseph: Not guys, not art.
[10:58] joseph: Not animals.
[10:59] Whiskerz [<3]: then go catch a plain jane.
[10:59] joseph: No, a little modifying is sexy
[10:59] joseph: But you're at the end of sexy
[10:59] joseph: and starting to drop off.
[11:01] Whiskerz [<3]: thats in your opinion
[11:01] joseph: Yeah.
[11:01] joseph: I can't be married to you if I'm not attracted to you.
[11:01] joseph: I've said that like 4 times now.
[11:03] Whiskerz [<3]: yes ive heard you
[11:03] Whiskerz [<3]: i cant help the fact that i love body modification
[11:03] joseph: No, but you should have mentioned that before we married.
[11:04] joseph: This is pretty much the nail in the coffin.
[11:04] joseph: One day you're going to come home with something new, and that'll be it.
[11:04] Whiskerz [<3]: that i love bod mods
[11:05] joseph: That you planned on covering yourself in them.
[11:05] joseph: It's gross.
[11:05] joseph: You're ruining your beautiful skin.
[11:05] joseph: I love your skin.
[11:05] Whiskerz [<3]: not really
[11:05] joseph: Yeah.
[11:05] joseph: It's soft and creamy
[11:05] joseph: and it's going to be less soft, and not creamy
[11:05] Whiskerz [<3]: half sleeves; collarbones, ribs and tummy down my legs a bit.
[11:06] Whiskerz [<3]: lower back
[11:06] Whiskerz [<3]: and how so? how does inky in mt skin make it any less soft?
[11:06] joseph: It does.
[11:06] joseph: You've never noticed that?
[11:07] Whiskerz [<3]: nope
[11:07] Whiskerz [<3]: my ribs and arm are soft
[11:07] joseph: I'll never touch your nipples again.
[11:07] joseph: And I love your nipples.
[11:08] Whiskerz [<3]: lol why?
[11:08] joseph: If you get your chest done.
[11:08] joseph: The whole region will just be a turnoff.
[11:09] Whiskerz [<3]: my collar bones
[11:09] Whiskerz [<3]: not really down my chest
[11:10] joseph: It'll just be gross.
[11:10] joseph: It'll be "cool"
[11:10] joseph: but not sexy.
[11:10] joseph: I don't want a cool wife.
[11:10] joseph: I want a beautiful wife
[11:10] joseph: a wife who can be sexy.
[11:10] Whiskerz [<3]: and i cant with tattoos?
[11:11] joseph: Not to me.
[11:11] joseph: Too much of a good thing.
[11:13] Whiskerz [<3]: welp; thats to you
[11:13] joseph: yeah, and i'm the one married to you.
[11:13] joseph: I have to live with it.
[11:13] joseph: ad I can't.
[11:13] Whiskerz [<3]: you dont ever have to live with anything
[11:14] joseph: I know.
[11:14] joseph: And I won't.
[11:14] joseph: I'm going to leave you when you get to that point.
[11:14] Whiskerz [<3]: im not leaving my body with unfinished art
[11:15] joseph: Who knows it's unfinished other than you?
[11:15] joseph: Just fill your lillies and be done.
[11:16] Whiskerz [<3]: you can look at it and see
[11:16] Whiskerz [<3]: im not going to be done.
[11:16] Whiskerz [<3]: theres 3 more to my lillies
[11:16] Whiskerz [<3]: thats what is planned out. thats what me and jon (my artist) are doing.
[11:16] joseph: i can live with 3 more lilies.
[11:17] joseph: Not sure how much else tho.
[11:18] Meebo Message: Could not IM buddy
[11:19] joseph: Getting food/showering/cockblockdog?
[11:19] joseph: or just dunno what to say
[11:19] Whiskerz [<3]: dont knwo what to say
[11:20] Whiskerz [<3]: i love body art
[11:20] Whiskerz [<3]: that wont change
[11:20] joseph: Why didn't you tell me about the piercing yesterday?
[11:22] Whiskerz [<3]: i dont remember us talking last night. that is why.
[11:23] joseph: Whatever.
[11:23] joseph: We did talk, about our sex life.
[11:23] Meebo Message: Could not IM buddy
[11:23] joseph: And I really wish you'd reply to emails so I can at least know you read them.
[11:23] joseph: what'd you think about the one i sent you last?
[11:24] Whiskerz [<3]: it was sweet.
[11:24] Whiskerz [<3]: but it doesnt and will not make up for all the words that youve said to me.
[11:29] joseph: Now I'm at a loss of words.
[11:29] Whiskerz [<3]: it hurts
[11:29] joseph: All the things I said were true.
[11:30] Whiskerz [<3]: your anger hurts
[11:30] Whiskerz [<3]: so bad
[11:30] Whiskerz [<3]: so what! it doesnt change the way you make me feel in rage. you cant fix it every few days by being so sweet then raging again
[11:30] joseph: You keep giving me reasons to rage.
[11:31] Whiskerz [<3]: wanna see something that i just read? its really touching
[11:31] Whiskerz [<3]: i copy pasta'd kk
[11:31] joseph: sure
[11:32] Whiskerz [<3]: you want the truth? well, here it is. eventually, you forget it all. first you forget everything you learned - the dats of wars and the pythagorean throrem. you especially forget everything you didn't really learn, but memorized the night before. you forget the na,es of all but one or two of your favorite teachers, and eventually you forget those, too. you forget your junior year class chedule and
[11:32] Whiskerz [<3]: where you used to sit and your best friend's home phone number and the lyrics to that songy ou must have played a million times and evenutall, but slowly, you forget your humiliations - even the ones that seemed indelible, just fade away. you forget who was cool and who was not, who was pretty, smart, athletic, and not. who went to a good college, who threw the best parties. who had the most
[11:32] Whiskerz [<3]: friends, you forget them all. eve the ones you said you loved, and the ones you acually did. they're the last to go. and then once you've forgotten enough, you love someone else.
[11:33] joseph: I don't get it.
[11:34] Whiskerz [<3]: =__= okay.
[11:34] joseph: Expain?
[11:35] Whiskerz [<3]: i...i cant...
[11:35] Whiskerz [<3]: its too deep for me to explain from my pov
[11:36] joseph: Well I'm retarded, sorry.
[11:36] Whiskerz [<3]: it may be diff from your pov; thats why i like it
[11:37] joseph: I always feel so new around you.
[11:38] joseph: I don't understand anything
[11:38] joseph: and you have all this experience.
[11:39] Whiskerz [<3]: then just learn to live and be free
[11:40] joseph: I hate my parents for sheltering me.
[11:40] Whiskerz [<3]: then go out and live
[11:41] joseph: Like how?
[11:41] joseph: I've never.
[11:42] Whiskerz [<3]: let nothing hold you back
[11:42] Whiskerz [<3]: thats what i do
[11:43] Whiskerz [<3]: i find it fun.
[11:43] joseph: It's hard to do.
[11:43] Whiskerz [<3]: makes life pretty good.
[11:43] Whiskerz [<3]: knwoing that you did something for yourself and gave no fuck :]
[11:43] joseph: I need a life coach.
[11:43] joseph: Like on MTV Made.
[11:44] Whiskerz [<3]: they have those
[11:44] joseph: I'm not paying for that shit.
[11:44] joseph: You do it.
[11:45] Whiskerz [<3]: O_O
[11:45] Whiskerz [<3]: woah; que
[11:45] joseph: Life coach me.
[11:45] joseph: Go with me to clubs, tell me what to do.
[11:45] joseph: Give me tasks and make me execute.
[11:45] Whiskerz [<3]: hm~ i would make a pretty baller life coach for sheltered teens that need to learn to live
[11:45] joseph: Yes you would.
[11:45] joseph: That's why I'm asking you.
[11:46] joseph: I envy you in so many ways.
[11:46] Whiskerz [<3]: D:
[11:46] Whiskerz [<3]: theres things that you should do but wont because youre "married" to be
[11:46] Whiskerz [<3]: but you should do them anyways
[11:46] joseph: things like what?
[11:46] joseph: I can flirt and get numbers.
[11:46] joseph: I won't sleep with anyone tho.
[11:47] Whiskerz [<3]: thats what im sayin
[11:47] Whiskerz [<3]: go have one night stands
[11:47] Whiskerz [<3]: make out with as many people as you can!
[11:47] Whiskerz [<3]: in one night!
[11:47] Whiskerz [<3]: thats fun ~w~
[11:47] Whiskerz [<3]: i think i made out with like 22 guys and like 7 chicks. ^_^
[11:47] joseph: I didn't want to know that.
[11:48] Whiskerz [<3]: you should
[11:48] Whiskerz [<3]: it teaches you to kiss
[11:48] Whiskerz [<3]: to hold and to touch to turn someone on
[11:48] Whiskerz [<3]: practice makes perfect
[11:49] joseph: I don't want to.
[11:49] joseph: I won't do that.
[11:49] joseph: You'll just have to teach me that yourself or put up with me sucking at it
[11:49] Whiskerz [<3]: i cant teach you a kissing style
[11:50] joseph: I didn't even know there were styles.
[11:50] Whiskerz [<3]: see~
[11:52] joseph: Hm.
[11:52] Whiskerz [<3]: there are
[11:52] Whiskerz [<3]: you need to go out and explore them
[11:52] Whiskerz [<3]: i cant show you all forms of kissing
[11:52] Whiskerz [<3]: but
[11:52] Whiskerz [<3]: well; because i dont like all forms
[11:52] Whiskerz [<3]: but!
[11:52] Whiskerz [<3]: i tried them
[11:52] Whiskerz [<3]: and i adapted to different kissing styles
[11:53] joseph: Weird.
[11:53] joseph: We'll see if I'm comfortable with it when I get to that point.
[11:53] joseph: I'm definately not starting with that.
[11:53] Whiskerz [<3]: kissing is ntohing
[11:53] Whiskerz [<3]: *nothing
[11:53] Whiskerz [<3]: i kissed all my friends
[11:53] Whiskerz [<3]: when i was in cali mind you
[11:54] joseph: Sh.
[11:54] joseph: no more.
[11:54] joseph: I don't want to know.
[11:54] joseph: Ignorance is bliss.
[11:55] joseph: You just ruined my night with that btw.
[11:55] Whiskerz [<3]: well; no all. but many. but this was years ago
[11:55] joseph: Not caring.
[11:55] joseph: I don't want to hear about previous relationships.
[11:55] joseph: Tony was years ago, but I still hate hearing about him.
[11:56] joseph: That's why last night I was trying to avoid finding out who gave you your only orgasm
[11:56] joseph: But you had to tell me it was tony anyways.
[11:56] Whiskerz [<3]: okay then
[11:56] Whiskerz [<3]: well
[11:56] Whiskerz [<3]: how bout
[11:56] Whiskerz [<3]: get out when you can
[11:56] Whiskerz [<3]: what do you do on base
[11:56] joseph: Here?
[11:57] Whiskerz [<3]: yea
[11:57] joseph: There's nothing to do here.
[11:57] joseph: Just volleyball
[11:57] joseph: and I do that every day prty much.
[11:58] Whiskerz [<3]: ugg~
[11:59] Whiskerz [<3]: well; theres not much to start with wilst you being there
[11:59] Whiskerz [<3]: how bout
[11:59] Whiskerz [<3]: start keeping a jouirnal
[11:59] joseph: Why?
[11:59] Whiskerz [<3]: just write things that happen in the day and pin point your chnages in emotion
[12:00] joseph: I know my changes in emotion.
[12:00] joseph: This place sucks
[12:00] joseph: I get smoked every day for nothing.
[12:00] joseph: My squad sucks
[12:00] joseph: They don't do shit.
[12:00] Whiskerz [<3]: write it all down
[12:00] Whiskerz [<3]: are you more social with them
[12:01] joseph: Not any more.
[12:01] joseph: They piss me off.
[12:01] Whiskerz [<3]: why
[12:02] joseph: Well, all the SGTs are fuckheads
[12:02] joseph: all they do is look for reasons to smoke people.
[12:02] joseph: Turner turned into a complete assfuck suckup
[12:03] joseph: always has a SGT's cock in his mounth.
[12:03] Whiskerz [<3]: whos that
[12:03] joseph: Turner?
[12:03] Whiskerz [<3]: ja
[12:03] joseph: a guy in alpha team, my squad
[12:03] joseph: I'm in bravo team
[12:04] joseph: He always hangs out with our squadleader.
[12:04] joseph: and the teamleaders
[12:04] joseph: He got me kicked out of my driver job
[12:04] joseph: and took it.
[12:04] Whiskerz [<3]: ok
[12:04] joseph: and tomorrow all the sgts are leaving for a week
[12:04] joseph: and they put him in charge
[12:04] joseph: even tho he's just a private
[12:04] joseph: and we have 3 specialists that out rank him
[12:04] joseph: and deserve the slot more
[12:04] Meebo Message: Could not IM buddy
[12:05] Whiskerz [<3]: so what are you doing now that youre not driving?
[12:05] joseph: I sit in the back of the CasEvac truck
[12:05] joseph: robeck is the driver
[12:05] joseph: sgt rossner is the gunner
[12:05] Whiskerz [<3]: and i know what that is
[12:05] joseph: casualty evac
[12:05] joseph: it's the medic truck
[12:06] joseph: I'm an assitant medic now.
[12:07] Whiskerz [<3]: ok
[12:07] joseph: i got smoked yesterday because i was sitting down and the tip of my barrel was touching the ground without me knowing.
[12:07] joseph: today i got smoked because crowley did something wrong but he was on guard duty
[12:07] joseph: and I'm the only person in his team
[12:07] joseph: so now he's my responsibility some how
[12:08] Whiskerz [<3]: okay.
[12:08] Whiskerz [<3]: well; im hungry
[12:08] Whiskerz [<3]: and have been since i got a text about waffles.... T_T
[12:08] Whiskerz [<3]: so
[12:08] Whiskerz [<3]: i have to eat
[12:08] joseph: kk don't be long
[12:08] Whiskerz [<3]: why~
[12:08] joseph: I like talking to you
[12:08] joseph: and ther'es nothing to do now
[12:10] Whiskerz [<3]: well; we either talk like this or fight
[12:10] joseph: so?
[12:10] joseph: you don't like talking like this?
[12:11] Whiskerz [<3]: i dont understand your military games.
[12:11] joseph: what games?
[12:11] Whiskerz [<3]: your military things you speack of
[12:12] Whiskerz [<3]: *speak
[12:12] Whiskerz [<3]: okay. falling over. getting food.
[12:12] joseph: please come back soon
[12:24] Whiskerz [<3]: i have food now
[12:25] joseph: welcome back
[12:25] Whiskerz [<3]: merci
[12:26] joseph: So you really want me to keep a journal?
[12:26] joseph: I already know what pisses me off.
[12:26] Whiskerz [<3]: i think od help
[12:27] Whiskerz [<3]: itd
[12:27] joseph: hmm kay
[12:27] joseph: should i write about us too?'
[12:27] joseph: who should i address it to?
[12:27] joseph: the world?
[12:27] Whiskerz [<3]: no one or anon
[12:28] Whiskerz [<3]: i write bout us; my day; my frinds; fears; emotions
[12:29] joseph: Can we read each other's journals when I get home?
[12:29] Whiskerz [<3]: no
[12:30] joseph: Why not?
[12:30] Whiskerz [<3]: they are ours alone. no one else to see. they are for us...personally
[12:30] Whiskerz [<3]: yours ias yours. mine is mine
[12:30] Whiskerz [<3]: end of story
[12:31] joseph: It would help me understand you better, know the truth.
[12:31] joseph: There's no better way to be open.
[12:31] Whiskerz [<3]: nope
[12:31] joseph: I want to know what you really think of me.
[12:31] Whiskerz [<3]: not how journals work
[12:31] joseph: You would never tell me
[12:31] joseph: you'd tell the journal.
[12:31] Whiskerz [<3]: i think youre close minded
[12:31] joseph: How so?
[12:32] Whiskerz [<3]: you cant just accept and you try to fight things too much
[12:33] joseph: I can and I do.
[12:33] joseph: That's not why we fight.
[12:34] Whiskerz [<3]: you dont accept my love of my body is a canvas and im just making it how i please
[12:34] joseph: I understand that
[12:34] joseph: You don't take into consideration how I feel about it.
[12:34] joseph: You're all "me me me"
[12:34] joseph: "my body, my mods"
[12:35] joseph: I never pull the "my house my rules" card.
[12:35] Whiskerz [<3]: because TRUE happiness IS IN FACT selfishness
[12:35] joseph: I know that.
[12:35] joseph: You being happy makes me miserable.
[12:35] joseph: That's why there has to be negotiation and comprimise in relationships.
[12:35] Whiskerz [<3]: and just because youre a man doesnt mean that things will always go your way
[12:36] Whiskerz [<3]: if you think that for one minute then you need to find a new girl
[12:36] joseph: I don't think everything always needs to go my way
[12:36] joseph: but that's what you think
[12:36] joseph: it's always your way.
[12:37] Whiskerz [<3]: you dont speak up
[12:37] joseph: I do speak up.
[12:37] joseph: You do things anyways.
[12:37] Whiskerz [<3]: because i get reactions from you
[12:38] joseph: You always make me feel like I'm fucking up
[12:38] joseph: It's always my fault
[12:38] joseph: I did something wrong.
[12:38] Whiskerz [<3]: you make me feel opressed; so i lash out
[12:38] Whiskerz [<3]: ive always been an angsty teen
[12:39] joseph: You haven't been a teen for almost half a decade.
[12:39] Whiskerz [<3]: its a saying.
[12:39] Whiskerz [<3]: i should have put that in quotes
[12:40] joseph: I'm saying, it's time for you to grow up.
[12:40] joseph: You know that.
[12:40] joseph: My squad makes me feel the same way
[12:40] joseph: I'm never good enough
[12:40] joseph: always fucking up.
[12:41] Whiskerz [<3]: i am growing up
[12:41] Whiskerz [<3]: you just want to live in a time where women obeyed man
[12:41] joseph: No, I don't.
[12:41] joseph: You don't have to obey me.
[12:41] joseph: Just be considerate.
[12:41] Whiskerz [<3]: then why hold me down
[12:41] Whiskerz [<3]: but understand its my body and my life.
[12:41] Whiskerz [<3]: i take into consideration what you think; but in the end its my choice
[12:42] joseph: Why not go for the hip piercing instead?
[12:42] Whiskerz [<3]: my stars are there
[12:43] joseph: Okay, legitimate excuse, I'll take that.
[12:44] joseph: And I'll admit the sternum piercing is sexier than I thought it'd be.
[12:44] joseph: It's weird tho,
[12:44] Whiskerz [<3]: my dermals are more odd than my sternum
[12:45] joseph: I dunno, those I can understand.
[12:45] joseph: Link the pic again
[12:46] Whiskerz [<3]: sec
[12:46] Whiskerz [<3]: http://i142.photobucket.com/xxxxxxxxxxxx
[12:47] joseph: who'd you go get it with?
[12:47] Whiskerz [<3]: what do you mean
[12:48] joseph: where'd you get it?
[12:48] joseph: did you drive?
[12:48] Whiskerz [<3]: jesus; thomas and marie and a shop in louisville
[12:48] Whiskerz [<3]: the guy was amazing; piercing 16 years and older. like 60s old. ;D
[12:49] joseph: who're thomas and marie? tcg?
[12:49] Whiskerz [<3]: yea
[12:49] Whiskerz [<3]: people i met at the shop
[12:50] joseph: do you still talk to the kid in blue that called the shop?
[12:50] Whiskerz [<3]: no
[12:50] joseph: what happened to that?
[12:51] Whiskerz [<3]: he lives a few hours away so yea
[12:51] joseph: hmkay
[12:51] joseph: just wondering
[12:52] joseph: i never heard about him after that one night
[12:54] Whiskerz [<3]: yup
[12:54] joseph: so what'd u get to eat?
[12:55] Whiskerz [<3]: toast n vegan sausages
[12:56] joseph: mm kill
[12:56] joseph: food here is suprisingly good.
[12:57] joseph: I think I'm just going to copy/paste our conversations into my journal.
[12:57] joseph: Can you at least read my journal?
[12:57] joseph: when i come home?
[12:58] Whiskerz [<3]: no. i wont read it.
[12:59] joseph: What if I never come home?
[12:59] joseph: Will you read it then?
[12:59] Whiskerz [<3]: yes
[13:00] joseph: You promise?
[13:00] Whiskerz [<3]: if you never come home i will read them
[13:01] joseph: I really want to read yours. I don't think there's any better way to understand you.
[13:02] Whiskerz [<3]: no
[13:02] joseph: Sad day.
[13:02] Whiskerz [<3]: they are mine. not yours.
[13:03] joseph: I understand.
[13:03] joseph: I was asking.
[13:03] joseph: I really want you to read mine when I come back tho.
[13:03] Whiskerz [<3]: no.
[13:04] Whiskerz [<3]: i wont.
[13:04] joseph: Please laura!
[13:04] Whiskerz [<3]: NO
[13:05] joseph: Why not?
[13:05] Whiskerz [<3]: because that is your personal life
[13:05] Whiskerz [<3]: youre writting a journal for YOU not me
[13:05] joseph: I'm going to publish it on blogspot then.
[13:06] Whiskerz [<3]: okay
[13:06] Whiskerz [<3]: do it
[13:06] joseph: Mkay.
[13:06] Whiskerz [<3]: what time is it there
[13:07] joseph: Why?
[13:07] Whiskerz [<3]: jw
[13:07] joseph: like 1030
[13:07] Whiskerz [<3]: mmhmm
[13:07] joseph: yup
[13:07] Whiskerz [<3]: okay
[13:07] Whiskerz [<3]: wells
[13:08] Whiskerz [<3]: im gonna go.
[13:08] joseph: why?
[13:08] Whiskerz [<3]: im gonna go watch the movie you texted me half way thru and take a bath
[13:08] Whiskerz [<3]: im quite tired. probably take a nap
[13:08] Whiskerz [<3]: no tcg today
[13:08] Whiskerz [<3]: there was realms yesterday
[13:08] joseph: Laura... don't leave me
[13:08] joseph: this is all i have
[13:09] joseph: you have things to ocupy your day
[13:09] joseph: i have nothing
[13:09] joseph: I wait until 10am every day to text you and talk to you
[13:09] joseph: and then when i wake up I do it again until you go to sleep.
[13:09] Whiskerz [<3]: all we do is fight or talk and i get bored. i try n coach you now and you hold beack
[13:10] joseph: what have you tried to coach me on
[13:10] joseph: what am i holding back
[13:10] Whiskerz [<3]: sometimes i wish that youd accept my help
[13:11] Whiskerz [<3]: sometimes i wish and pray we were just friends and nothing more so it could be easier to help you because then youd have nothing to hold you back
[13:11] Whiskerz [<3]: but youre stuck on me and i am feeling so smothered atm.
[13:11] Whiskerz [<3]: thats why i want to go.
[13:11] joseph: What am I holding back right now?
[13:11] joseph: tell me to do something and I will.
[13:12] Whiskerz [<3]: learn to let go
[13:12] joseph: That doesnt just happen
[13:12] joseph: I need to be let into it
[13:12] joseph: not just dropped off.
[13:13] Whiskerz [<3]: what if i want to be let go :S
[13:13] Whiskerz [<3]: i feel like ive helped you so much that you can get better than me. someone less defiant and more to you
[13:13] Whiskerz [<3]: we fight too much
[13:14] joseph: I don't want someone else.
[13:14] joseph: I want you.
[13:14] joseph: Everyone else is so fake.
[13:14] Whiskerz [<3]: i cant see myself with you in the longer run joseph
[13:14] Whiskerz [<3]: no matter how hard i try and try
[13:14] Whiskerz [<3]: i just cant
[13:14] joseph: don't say that
[13:14] joseph: please...
[13:14] Whiskerz [<3]: you were so amazing then your anger kept getting to you
[13:14] Whiskerz [<3]: we fight more than were happy
[13:14] Whiskerz [<3]: i cant take it
[13:15] joseph: we haven't fought at all.
[13:15] Whiskerz [<3]: YOU CALLED ME A WHORE FOR THE LAST FUCKING TIME
[13:15] joseph: I'll never do it again.
[13:15] Whiskerz [<3]: i used to let people and boys like you walk all over me
[13:15] Whiskerz [<3]: and im standing up and saying enough!
[13:15] joseph: But now you're doing it.
[13:15] joseph: You walk all over me.
[13:15] joseph: I'm so submssive except when I'm angry.
[13:16] Whiskerz [<3]: no joseph
[13:16] Whiskerz [<3]: and yes
[13:16] Whiskerz [<3]: youre too submissive
[13:16] Whiskerz [<3]: i cant take it
[13:16] Whiskerz [<3]: thats why you get angery
[13:16] Whiskerz [<3]: cause i become a dom and you dont liek it
[13:17] joseph: I'm submissive because I'll do anything to make you happy
[13:17] joseph: and it gets to me after a while.
[13:17] joseph: You said the second I tell you who you can't hang out with it's over.
[13:17] joseph: so I don't tell you not to hang out with andie.
[13:17] Whiskerz [<3]: well; im not happy with you
[13:17] joseph: But I hate it.
[13:18] Whiskerz [<3]: theres nothing that you can do to make it better
[13:18] joseph: why...
[13:18] joseph: why are you suddenly like this.
[13:19] joseph: you were always the one that wanted it to work when i wanted us to split.
[13:19] joseph: why the change.
[13:19] Whiskerz [<3]: because you called me a whore for the last time then you try and make it better
[13:19] Whiskerz [<3]: you say im not going to be pretty with all the art i want to and WILL get
[13:20] Whiskerz [<3]: youre not happy because i dont take into consideration the way you wnt me to be
[13:20] Whiskerz [<3]: its my life
[13:20] joseph: don't leave me
[13:20] joseph: i say things, i try to be tough
[13:20] joseph: i'm not
[13:20] joseph: do what you want
[13:20] joseph: get all the tattoos you want
[13:20] joseph: i don't care.
[13:20] joseph: i know what i'm saying is wrong
[13:20] joseph: it's just going to drive you away
[13:20] joseph: smother you more
[13:21] joseph: but it's all the truth
[13:21] joseph: i love you so much.
[13:21] Whiskerz [<3]: i dont want that
[13:21] joseph: I know, i know what i'm saying i shouldn't
[13:21] joseph: it's just going to drive you further away
[13:21] joseph: i'm an emotional wreck right now.
[13:21] Whiskerz [<3]: youve driven me away; i almost have a job to save up and movce because thats what you said
[13:22] joseph: no dont move
[13:22] joseph: i told you that you don't have to
[13:22] Whiskerz [<3]: im still trying to get a job to save up
[13:22] joseph: don't leave laura
[13:22] joseph: please god don't leave
[13:23] Whiskerz [<3]: i want to apprentice to be a piercer
[13:23] Whiskerz [<3]: youve pushed me far enough
[13:23] Whiskerz [<3]: saying id make a perfect prostitute
[13:23] joseph: i say things i don't mean when i'm angry
[13:23] joseph: never again i swear
[13:23] joseph: please don't leave me like this
[13:23] joseph: i just try to get a rise out of you
[13:23] joseph: so i can know you care
[13:24] joseph: it's a mistake
[13:24] joseph: a terrible mistake
[13:24] joseph: i'm sorry
[13:24] Whiskerz [<3]: youre mistakes come up far too often
[13:24] joseph: i know!
[13:24] joseph: i'm a fuckup!
[13:24] joseph: it's been made clear time and time again
[13:24] Whiskerz [<3]: you trying to get a rise of me has worked and im packing to walk away
[13:24] Whiskerz [<3]: all my good emotions have up and lefts
[13:24] Whiskerz [<3]: *left
[13:24] Whiskerz [<3]: you
[13:24] Whiskerz [<3]: can not
[13:25] Whiskerz [<3]: hold
[13:25] Whiskerz [<3]: a
[13:25] Whiskerz [<3]: relationship
[13:25] joseph: laura i can
[13:25] joseph: please give me the chance
[13:25] joseph: i'll show you
[13:25] joseph: god...
[13:25] joseph: why
[13:25] joseph: if the internet didn't suck so hard
[13:25] joseph: i'd upload a picture
[13:25] joseph: you can see just how upset i am
[13:26] joseph: i'm crying so much right now
[13:26] Whiskerz [<3]: and you dont see the pain that have when you say such tings to me
[13:26] joseph: i won't ever again
[13:26] joseph: i swear
[13:26] joseph: i never ment any of them
[13:27] Whiskerz [<3]: then why did you say them
[13:27] Whiskerz [<3]: over
[13:27] Whiskerz [<3]: and
[13:27] Whiskerz [<3]: over
[13:27] Whiskerz [<3]: and over
[13:27] joseph: you're no whore, you're been with a lot of guys and i know that. you're experienced and like i said i really envy that about you.
[13:27] joseph: i wish i could have done half the things you have
[13:27] joseph: and i get angry about it sometimes i guess
[13:28] joseph: i get jealous of you
[13:28] joseph: just you
[13:28] Whiskerz [<3]: it hurts more than you think
[13:28] joseph: No, I know it hurts.
[13:28] joseph: that's why i say it.
[13:28] joseph: I want the rise.
[13:28] Whiskerz [<3]: i cant love someone like you joseph
[13:28] joseph: but it's not worth this
[13:28] joseph: don't say that!
[13:28] joseph: you're breaking me.
[13:28] joseph: I'm going to be the emo kid now.
[13:29] Whiskerz [<3]: i can not love you joseph
[13:29] joseph: stop it!
[13:29] joseph: please laura
[13:29] joseph: i'm begging you
[13:29] Whiskerz [<3]: they say you realize things when it is too late
[13:29] Whiskerz [<3]: im too far gone
[13:29] joseph: laura no
[13:29] joseph: please no.
[13:29] joseph: WHY AM I HERE
[13:29] joseph: i'm so helpless here
[13:29] Whiskerz [<3]: its okay.
[13:29] joseph: FUCK THIS COUNTRY.
[13:29] joseph: NO IT'S NOT OKAY
[13:29] joseph: this sucks
[13:29] joseph: please don't do this laura
[13:29] joseph: please i love you
[13:29] Whiskerz [<3]: i wont fuck up anything here for you. ill keep saving for your motorcycle. ill get my job.
[13:30] joseph: no laura
[13:30] joseph: fuck my motorcycle
[13:30] joseph: i dont want one.
[13:30] joseph: it was a lie.
[13:30] joseph: i wanted a wedding and a nice ring.
[13:30] joseph: that's what i wanted you to save for.
[13:30] Whiskerz [<3]: i dont want that.
[13:31] joseph: i was going to come back to the states.
[13:31] joseph: and ask you to marry me again.
[13:31] joseph: and do it right
[13:31] joseph: make you happy
[13:31] joseph: not repeat my mistakes
[13:31] joseph: I've already learned so much
[13:32] joseph: I was going to get teh topaz and amathyst ring
[13:32] joseph: like you said you wanted a long time ago
[13:32] joseph: i put a lot of thought into it.
[13:32] joseph: how i wantd the ring.
[13:32] Whiskerz [<3]: i dont want it.
[13:32] joseph: i thought my stone on the outside, yours inside, with a diamond in the middle.
[13:32] joseph: but then i though that was like i'm caging you in
[13:33] joseph: so i was going to do you on the outside and me inside with diamond center
[13:33] joseph: but then that's like me being the moneygrub i am
[13:33] joseph: so i said fuck being symetrical
[13:33] joseph: you'd be outside on oneside, i'd be outside on the other.
[13:33] Whiskerz [<3]: stop
[13:33] Whiskerz [<3]: im not listening
[13:33] joseph: laura please
[13:33] joseph: please!
[13:34] joseph: where's a phone when i need one god damn it
[13:34] joseph: don't do this
[13:34] joseph: you're leaving me over the internet and i'm completely helpless
[13:34] joseph: this isn't how i wanted things
[13:34] joseph: not at all
[13:34] Whiskerz [<3]: you brought it upon yourself when you treated me like a whore and like shit.
[13:34] joseph: it was a mistake!
[13:34] Whiskerz [<3]: you wanted me gone.
[13:34] joseph: a terrible mistake
[13:34] joseph: no i didn't
[13:34] Whiskerz [<3]: you have it.
[13:34] Whiskerz [<3]: i am not yours
[13:34] joseph: laura!
[13:34] joseph: please
[13:34] joseph: you can't hear the distress in my voice
[13:35] joseph: it's there
[13:35] joseph: please don't go
[13:35] joseph: where did this come from
[13:35] joseph: we were just having a talk
[13:35] joseph: not even arguing
[13:35] joseph: why
[13:35] Whiskerz [<3]: somethign spraked it.
[13:35] joseph: laura please...
[13:35] joseph: don't do this...
[13:36] joseph: i'm a million miles away
[13:36] joseph: please laura...
[13:36] Whiskerz [<3]: and for each mile there is a reason
[13:36] joseph: no there's not!
[13:36] joseph: i say stupid things when i'm angry
[13:36] joseph: i get angry for stupid reasons
[13:37] joseph: i'm fixing it
[13:37] joseph: i'm working on it
[13:37] joseph: please laura!
[13:37] joseph: PLEASE
[13:37] joseph: i'm begging you
[13:37] joseph: don't do this
[13:37] joseph: i'm nothing without you
[13:37] Whiskerz [<3]: you are human
[13:37] Whiskerz [<3]: you can learn to cope and evolve without someone being there
[13:37] joseph: no
[13:37] joseph: i can't!
[13:38] joseph: i suck at life laura
[13:38] joseph: i need you
[13:38] joseph: you make everything worth it for me
[13:38] joseph: this whole deployment
[13:38] joseph: it's for nothing without you
[13:38] joseph: life is nothing without you
[13:38] Whiskerz [<3]: i dont want to be your everything when your everything is 75% pain and 25% bliss
[13:39] joseph: it'll be different
[13:39] joseph: i haven't even been gone a month
[13:39] joseph: i've had no chance to change!
[13:39] joseph: don't do this to me
[13:39] joseph: please
[13:39] Whiskerz [<3]: this is is joseph
[13:40] joseph: please laura!
[13:40] joseph: please
[13:40] joseph: i love you
[13:40] joseph: i never ment anything i said
[13:40] joseph: it was a mistake
[13:40] Whiskerz [<3]: one more rude or disrepectful word from your fat lips
[13:40] joseph: i'd take it back 100 times if i could
[13:40] Whiskerz [<3]: will end everything
[13:40] joseph: so another chance?
[13:40] Whiskerz [<3]: no
[13:40] Whiskerz [<3]: not another
[13:40] Whiskerz [<3]: the last
[13:40] Whiskerz [<3]: im fucking done with your bullshit
[13:40] joseph: it's all i need
[13:40] joseph: this one chance is all it'll take
[13:40] Whiskerz [<3]: dont piss me off
[13:40] joseph: i promise you
[13:41] Whiskerz [<3]: im going to watch my movie
[13:41] joseph: okay
[13:41] Whiskerz [<3]: bye
[13:41] joseph: thank you so much laura
[13:41] joseph: i love you
[13:41] joseph: have fun
[13:41] Whiskerz [<3]: dont fucking thank me you maggot
[13:41] joseph: kay
[13:41] joseph: i can sleep easier now tho.
[13:41] Whiskerz [<3]: you pissed me off beyond anything you could ever imagine
[13:41] joseph: i know
[13:41] joseph: sorry
[13:41] Whiskerz [<3]: i am your worst fucking nightmare come true
[13:42] Whiskerz [<3]: i will break y ou
[13:42] joseph: good, i need you to.
[13:42] joseph: i was sad when you stopped trying to break me in ky
[13:42] joseph: after that 1 time in the bathroom.
[13:42] joseph: you gave up on me.
[13:42] joseph: i didn't want you to give up on me.
[13:42] Whiskerz [<3]: well guess what
[13:42] Whiskerz [<3]: its done
[13:43] Whiskerz [<3]: you best stop talking
[13:43] Whiskerz [<3]: goodbye
[13:43] joseph: bye
[13:43] Whiskerz [<3]: by the way
[13:43] Whiskerz [<3]: im pretty sure you will fail knowing your running history
[13:43] joseph: I'll prove you wrong.
[13:43] joseph: good night
[13:45] Whiskerz [<3]: fuck off